


If Quentin Tarantino Wrote Star Trek

by seperis



Category: Pulp Fiction, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-01-23
Updated: 2001-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-03 16:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seperis/pseuds/seperis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I took massive liberties with Pulp Fiction and a tiny bit of Reservoir Dogs.  Sorry, can't quote any more or any better and I don't have the movies handy.</p>
    </blockquote>





	If Quentin Tarantino Wrote Star Trek

**Author's Note:**

> I took massive liberties with Pulp Fiction and a tiny bit of Reservoir Dogs. Sorry, can't quote any more or any better and I don't have the movies handy.

A night like any other night, when you gotta wonder what's in the coffee and what's with all the neutrally dressed customers in the Messhall Cafe, because everyone's drinking it like it's goin' out of style and you know it wasn't that good to begin with.

They're in a booth, looking cute and a little too perky for two o'clock ship's time, and you know something's up with 'em when they lean close on the table, groping in public notwithstanding.

"I love you, sweetie-pie."[[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/20287#note1)]

"I love you, honey-bunny."[[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/20287#note1)]

And it happens fast, you gotta give them that--she's on her feet and on the table, phaser out and pointed dead at the crowd. He's across the room pointing it straight at one scared crewmember, whose lost his smile and maybe peein' his pants.

"Any of you fucking pricks _move_, and I'll assimilate every mother fucking last one of ya."[[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/20287#note2)] She's a trip, and you wonder what's in the coffee again and what the fuck they're on and where the hell you can get some, like, now. Before you get too much farther in that line of thought, though, they've got a canister open in the middle of the room and my, that boy's gettin' a little trigger happy, because his finger's resting way too close to the button and maybe tonight there'll be cooked crewman for dinner, and fuck if you really care much.

Gotta be the coffee.

"Get all the _fucking_ leola root in that _fucking_ can right the _fuck_ now, Neelix, or your ass will be spread all over that fucking wall!"[[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/20287#note2)]

You look around, but the customers are pretty cool about the situation and you could sit back and sort of enjoy the show, when Neelix gets it into his head to jump for the alarm and gets a face full of phaser and psychoed out Harry Kim.

"Fuck you, going for the button? Hey, Seven-honey, we got a hero here!"[[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/20287#note2)]

Neelix ain't nowhere stupid, though he does a great impression of it from time to time.

"Not being a hero," he mumbles, and maybe he's got sense too, because he backs off the alarm and you sort of breathe a sign of disappointment, because damn. "I--"

"What the fuck do we do with fucking heroes, baby?"[[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/20287#note2)]

"We _assmilate_ the fuckers, baby!"[[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/20287#note2)]

"Not a hero!" he whines and it's sort of sad, that, like a whipped puppy, and he starts chucking the leola toward the middle of the room. The crowd gets the phaser in the eye from Seven, and shit, she looks strung-out enough to kill you all and dance over you later, so you sort of help out. When it's full, Seven and Harry get their asses to the canister and a quick grope before they're gone with the ship's supply of leola root, and fuck, life ain't that bad, is it?

So you get another cup of coffee and think of a new catchy phrase to utter next time you order a hit.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> 1Pulp Fiction, quote
> 
> 2Pulp Fiction, modified quote


End file.
